On our first anniversary, Michael rented a cute and cozy RV to stay in for a weekend. It snowed and that cozy RV became cramped. We went home early. As is our custom on long car rides, we talked about deep and meaningful things including that the label “bi+” really felt like the right one for me. Michael knew I had dated women before meeting and marrying him, but bi+ wasn’t a word I had claimed for myself until that day. I was thirty and in a committed monogamous marriage, and that safety allowed me to be honest about who I have always been.
That was just over four years ago. In the time since I came out to Michael, I have told my closest friends, my family, Michael’s family, and some of my colleagues. But I haven’t come out in any sort of public way other than the 💗💜💙 (the bi+ pride flag) you can find in my FB and IG bios. I didn’t feel it was necessary. Then I didn’t feel like it was safe to do so in the aftermath of the United Methodist Church’s Special General Conference, especially as an agency worker who wrote Bible storybooks for children. So, I didn’t come out.
But I have a little one who is growing and beginning to notice his body. Michael and I want to be able to talk to him honestly about who we are and who he may grow to be. I want the stories he hears about love, relationships, family planning, and identity to be inclusive. I want him to be able to find himself in the stories we tell no matter who he is and who he may be attracted to.
And because he is a child and children are honest creatures, I thought I would make it easier for him by coming out now. It isn’t his responsibility to keep sorted who knows I am bi+ and who doesn’t.
I also want to share openly about my parenting journey. I know there are folx like me who are undoing hardwired heteronormative and homophobic narratives, and as we reparent ourselves, we are parenting our kids. We don’t want to pass those narratives on, so we look to each other for new stories to tell. I want to be able to share some of my stories without fear in hopes of helping other parents do this hard and rewarding work.
I am bi+. I am and have always been attracted to people of a variety of gender identities. It is just one part of who I am, but it is a part of who I am. It’s a part of who I have always been. Every resource written. Every workshop given. Every conversation shared. Nothing has changed about me, but I am looking forward to being more of myself with you.